english joke,and some notes for english study

bleak
    a.荒凉的;冷酷的;没有希望的
blunt
a.率直的;钝的
v.(使)钝;(使)迟钝
bosom
    n.(心)胸
boycott
n./v.(联合)抵制,拒绝参与
brace
v.使防备,使受锻炼;支撑;使(手,足,肩等)绷紧
n.托架,支架
bring up教育,培养,使成长
brochure
    n.小册子
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Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country
and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a
country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm
and apologize to the farmer.

They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on
the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed
like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused
about why his driver had been in there so long.

"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer,
then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered
me with kisses." explained the driver.

"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.

The chauffeur replied, "I told him I was Rush Limbaugh's driver
and I'd just killed the pig."

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The dissappointed salesman of Coke returns from his Middle East
assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the
Arabs ?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I
was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is
virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to
speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3
posters.. First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert
sand.. totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking
our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed.Then these
posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked", said the friend."

He replied, "Well, I didn't know Arabic, neither did I realize that
Arabs read from right to left..."
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A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to New York to
claim it and the man verifies her ticket number.

The blonde says, "I want my 20 Thousand Dollars"

The man replied, "No, madam. It doesn't work that way. We give
you one million dollars today and then you'll get the rest spread
out for the next 19 months."

Blonde says, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I
want it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and
the rest during the next 19 weeks.

Blonde, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money!
If you're not going to give me my 20 thousand dollars right now,
then I want my 10 dollars back!"
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Hari and Gani walked toward each other on a country road. Hari
carried a burlap bag over his shoulder.

"Hey Buddy," Gani drawled, "what's in the bag?"

"Chickens," was the reply.

"If I guess how many, can I have one?"

"You can have both of them."

"OK, Five?"

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Twenty five best responses if found asleep at your desk

25. "Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!"
24. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
23. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"
22. "You dont discriminate against those with Latient Atrophy Zymosis Yeast syndrome, DO YOU?!?"
21. "Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."
20. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
19. "Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."
18. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
17. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
16. "I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
15. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
14. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
13. "Im doing the "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."
12. "It worked well for Reagan, didnt it?"
11. "This is a highly specific Yoga position to relieve work-related stress."
10. "Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!"
9. "I was working smarter-not harder."
8. "Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
7. "Im in the management training program."
6. "The coffee machine is broken...."
5. "Someone mustve put decaf in the wrong pot."
4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just wont wear off!"
3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
2. "Its okay... Im still billing the client."
And the #1 response if found asleep at your desk:
1. "...and I especially thank you for my excellent boss, Amen!"
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10. That Barry Manilow is one cool dude.
9. While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8. I think big butts are really sexy.
7. Her breasts are just too big.
6. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" is really hot.
4. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
3. We haven't been to the mall for ages. Let's go shopping -- and I can hold your purse!
2. Forget "Monday Night Football," let's watch "Ally McBeal."
1. I think we're lost. We'd better pull over and ask for directions.
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A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at
McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and
an extra drink cup. As he watched, the older gentleman
carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out
the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of
them.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the
extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man
then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands
folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to
purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to
split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50
years, and everything has always been and will always be
shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat,
and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn with the teeth.
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As a doctor completed his examination of the patient he said, "I
can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to
drinking."

The patient replied, "In that case I'll come back when you're sober!"
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An English teacher at Iowa State University spent a lot of time
marking grammatical errors in her students' written work. She
wasn't sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy
day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked, "What's the matter, Ms. Dalton?"

"Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state.

After a slight pause the student tried again, "What was the matter?
What has been the matter? What might have been the matter...?"
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A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him
into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to
make them a few drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a
cute little vase on the mantel.

He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He
says, "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh..I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an
ashtray."
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Dear ________,

I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your uncle read in
the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we
moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last redneck
who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their next
house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated
right above the commode. I'm not sure it works too well. Last week
I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The
first it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you
wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too
heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut
them off and put them in the pocket. Your uncle Sam has another
job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the
cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether
it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or
Uncle. Your uncle, Jack fell in a the nearby well. Some men
tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned.
We cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend,
Harry, is no more. He died trying to fulfil his father's last
wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he
died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave
for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much
has happened.

Love,
GKV

P. S : I was going to send you some money but the envelope was
already sealed.
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A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of
the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid
behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with
her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the Devil", she responded.

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
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On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students,
pointing out some of the rules.

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students,
and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught
breaking this rule will be fined $40 the first time." He continued,
"Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined
$90. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are
there any questions?"

At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "How much for a
season pass?"
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Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad : He's a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad : He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad : She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early
Bad : He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: You're son is dating someone new
Bad : It's another man
Ugly: He's you're best friend
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An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered
the doctor's office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"All right," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your
clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "It's my old aunt here."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, please stick out your
tongue."
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A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to
heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a
seance.

Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits,
her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is
meeee..."

"Fred," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in
the afterlife. What's it like there?"

"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred
answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures
are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only
thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over
and over."

"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried.

"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana."
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virgin after 12 marriages :)

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin." This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon. She responded: "My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great!' My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but he just couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, 'Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.' My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department and said that he had the orders, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job.
My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it.
My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. He said, 'I know I have the product. I'm just not sure how to position it.' My tenth husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.
My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.
My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was ... well, I miss him!
So now I have married a lawyer, and I know I'm going to get screwed."
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lawer's fund

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!" His father responded: "You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!"
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The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
3) Overcharging fees to many clients.
4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.And the list goes on for quite awhile.The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things,but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also." St. Peter looks in his book and says,"Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?" The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes." St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."
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For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn,then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?"he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married,and the baby would have my name!""Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, wesat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be betterto have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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One day a blonde, brunette and redhead walk into the elevator of their apartment building. As they enter they see a white puddle on the floor. The brunette bends down looks at it and says, "Ya that's the white stuff!"

Then the redhead bends down, smells it and says, "Oh ya that's it alright!"

Then the blonde bends down, taste it and says, "Sure it is! But it's no one from our building!"
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one day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel,in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast .she brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on
my plate". She say to me: "you better not piss on the plate, you
sonnawa*****". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawa*****!!

Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings
me a Spoon and a knief but no fock. I tell her "I wanna a fock" and she
tella me : "everyone wanna ****". I tella her " you don't undertsand
me...I wanna fock on the table". She say : "you better not **** on the table you sonnawa*****."

So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet". he tell me to
Go the toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna a sheet on
my bed". He say:"you better not shit on the bed, you sonnawa*****".

I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said " peace on you".and I say : " Piss on you too, you sonnawabicth". I gonna back to Italy!
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LOVE starts with a SMILE , grows with a KISS , and ends with a TEAR.

DON'T cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

Good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push.

ACTIONS speak louder than words.

The HARDEST thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

DON'T let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

LIFE'S SHORT. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.

A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE.

Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.

BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it HURTS to look back, and you're SCARED to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.

TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS. Friends are FOREVER.

Good friends are like STARS You don't always see them, but you know they are ALWAYS THERE.

DON'T frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Most people walk in and out of your life, but only FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart. 　
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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the
following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the
owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed
the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The
car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached
the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if
there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said
there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said
you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun
in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too...
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哈哈,911的笑话!!

Saddam calls Bush on 11th sept:

Saddam: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to
you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings...
I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with
that...It was not us...

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Saddam: Oh, and what time it is in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Saddam: Oops...Will call back in an hour! Bye bye.

* * * * * *

The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him:

"I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy.
But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we
have copies of everything."

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"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.

"How do you know?" the friend asked.

"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

"So?"

"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

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Top Ten Times in history when using the "f" word was appropriate:

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1) "What the f**k was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima

2) "Where did all these f**king Indians come from?" - Custer

3) "Any f**king idiot could understand that." - Einstein

4) "It does SO f**king look like her!" - Picasso

5) "How the f**k did you work that out?" - Pythagoras

6) "You want WHAT on the f**king ceiling?" - Michaelangelo

7) "I don't suppose it's gonna f**king rain." - Joan of Arc

8) "Scattered f**king showers... my ass!" - Noah

9) "I need this parade like I need a f**king hole in my head!" - J.F.K.

And the number one most appropriate reason to use the "f" word....

10) "Who the f**k is going to know?" - Bill Clinton

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I make you a suggestion. I think that your jokes are too much that nobody has the time to read them. Try to reduce the number and you will be more welcome.
I am sure.
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一个很老的笑话.
Four people, one old lady, old man, young lady and young man were
travelling in a train. Suddenly the train passed through a dark
tunnel. Suddenly the noise of kissing followed by slapping was
heard. As it was dark, nobody was able to see each other and
nobody knew what was happening.

When the train came out of the tunnel, cheeks of the old man were
red because of the slap.

The old lady was muttering something. She was talking to herself
and cursing the old man for being naughty; and she appreciated the
young woman, though not loudly, for teaching the old man a lesson.

The young woman was wondering; "What on earth made this mad old
man to kiss that old lady when I am here".

The old man was wondering "Why this young lady hit me for the
mischief of the young man"

The young man was appreciating himself thinking "I wish the train
goes through another tunnel and I'll kiss on my back of my hand
and slap the old man." ;)
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"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth."

"Twenty dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!"

"Yes." replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office."

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When my husband and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?" The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked again, "How much of a wait?" The woman looked up from her book and said, "About ten minutes."
A short time later, we heard an announcement over the loudspeaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is now ready."

试着翻译一下,欢迎大家指正:
我和丈夫去一个很受欢迎的饭馆,发现那里人很多.我过去问女服务员:要等很长时间吗?服务员没有回答,继续在本子上写东西.我又问:要等多久?服务员抬起头来说:大约十分钟吧.
过了一会儿,我们听到饭馆的广播里在通知:Willette B.Long,你的位子准备好了.
(服务员把第一次问话听成了姓名....)

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Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination
which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the
examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a
coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet -
Y for Heads and N for Tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class
is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the
coin, sweating and sweating. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches
him and
asks what is going on.

"Oh, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But ...", he says,
"I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with
what I wrote."

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50 Reasons to be a Woman
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1. Free drinks.
2. Free dinners.
3. Free movies (you get the point).
4. You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay.
5. You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay.
6. You know The Truth about whether size matters.
7. Speeding ticket? What's that?
8. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
9. You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school.
10. If you have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, you're not the devil.
11. Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex.
12. If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud.
13. If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
14. You can sleep your way to the top.
15. You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
16. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
17. It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
18. No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.
19. Brad Pitt.
20. You don't have to fart to amuse yourself.
21. If you cheat on your spouse, people assume it's because you're being emotionally neglected.
22. YOU never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
23. You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper.
24. No one passes out when you take off your shoes.
25. If you think the person you're dating really likes you, you don't have to break up with them.
26. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
27. If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
28. You can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her ass.
29. If you have a zit, you can conceal it.
30. You never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.
31. If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
32. You don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
33. You have the ability to dress yourself.
34. You have an excuse to be a total ***** at least once a month.
35. You can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
36. If you marry someone 20 years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot.
37. If you're wearing cologne, you don't have to pretend it's aftershave.
38. You'll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley.
39. You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
40. You can quickly end any fight by crying.
41. Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.
42. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
43. You've never had a goatee.
44. Gay waiters don't make you uncomfortable.
45. You'll never regret piercing your ears.
46. You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
47. You'll never discover you've been duped by a Wonderbra.
48. You don't have hair on your back.
49. You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
50. You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.

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The Guy in the Bar
-----------------------------------
A guy goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, "You look great!" He looks around--there's nobody near him, so he just keeps drinking his beer.

A few minutes later, he hears the voice again. "Sharp tie!" it says. The guy looks around again, and again there's nobody around.

After another couple of minutes, he hears, "Is that a new shirt or something? You are absolutely glowing!" He realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar. "Hey!" the guy calls to the bartender, "What's with the nuts?"

"Oh," the bartender says, "they're complimentary."
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A Girl Just Like Mother
No matter which girls he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice. "Find a girl just like your mother -- then, she's bound to like her." So the young man searched and searched, and finally found the girl. He told his friendly adviser: "Just like you said, I found a girl who looked, talked, dressed, and even cooked like mother, And just as you said, mother liked her". "So," asked the friend, "what happened?""Nothing," said the young man. " My father hates her!".Note: be bound to... 肯定……

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圣人无常师~~~~~~~~
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One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly
deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then
came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the
next Railway station the driver was caught. When he was questioned.

He explained that there was a man standing on the track and he
was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc.

Then authorities questioned : Are you mad! just to save life of
one person you put life of so many passengers under danger. You
should have run over that person.

Driver said : Exactly, that is what I also decided, but this idiot
started running towards the field when the train came very close.
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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a
question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit
a bus, went upon the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop
window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver
said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights
out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little
tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my
first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead
bodies for the last 25 years."
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am sure I have listened this joke somewhere in some Chinese maganize,such as
Reader Degist.If you get the jok from a Chinese magazine,your translation skill is great. Would you like to tell me how to improve my translation ability?
I am looking forward to receiving your answer.
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BRAIN TUMOR

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?

Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?

Mr. Bean: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?

Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the
answer is 6!!

WHILE IN A DRUG STORE

Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.

Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?

Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE

Friend: What are you looking at?

Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.

Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?

Mr. Bean: four asterisks!

MARRIAGE

Friend: how many women do you believe a man must marry?

Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?

Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and
4worse.

MOM

Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.

Friend: condolence, my friend.

After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even louder

Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING

Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs
because of a power failure.

Mr. Bean: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3
hrs.

SPELLING LESSON

Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or
two c?

Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

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At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor,
was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other
end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS"
scribbled on it.
　　The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love
you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."
　　The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS'
she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"
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Economic rules count

2004-08-13 06:05

The government should abide by economic rules in decision-making, says an article in Beijing News. An excerpt follows:

It is reported that Yinchuan municipal government in the Ningxia Hui Autonomous Region of Northwest China has decided to suspend two controversial taxi regulations after meeting a boycott by local taxi drivers. One of the regulations reducing the term for cabs being worn-out to five years from the mandatory eight years stipulated in national vehicle codes.

Due to its public power, the government's decisions are always mandatory and should be practised without too many obstacles. However, why did the local regulations meet with protest and were finally suspended? The reason is that the local government has neglected economic factors in decision-making of the public policies.

During setting up public policies, economic rules should be abided by and individual interests should be stressed.

Although the government's decision on public issues are compulsory, implementation of policies depends on public action. Failure to execute policies might be attributed to the high cost of the practice at hand or objection by the target group.

So decision-makers need to take into consideration target group's interests. To make the target group to voluntarily follow the regulations, the government should minimize the price paid by the target group. But in Yinchuan's case, interests of taxi drivers will be seriously hurt if the regulations came into effect. So the taxi drivers took actions to protest the regulations.

When seeking a solution for public issue, the government is required to take an all-around consideration, aiming at raising the comprehensive level of social welfare. Social welfare should be improved through development and co-ordination, but not reducing individual interests.

And decision-making should also follow rules of property rights and push forward freedom of economy.

The government should stress protection of citizens' property rights and create a favourable legal environment for insuring values of individual property.

Although policies limiting economic freedom might spur economic development in the short term, for the long term, they might have the opposite effects.

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一位华裔美国少女
在一所美国私立高中
面临两种不同文化的冲撞
主角：Katharine Wang，简称Kat

偶已经囫囵吞枣儿地读完这本书，现在重新细读，把自己觉得有意思的句子介绍给大家。但偶是第一次写类似的东东，希望大家批评指正

[本节配角：
Kiara，Sunny：以后成为Kat“死党”的新生
Mr Blaah：Jones的矮个子老师

“But there was more to this class retreat tradition besides making smores which were toased marshmallow and slabs of chocolate sandwiched between two large crakers,and doing fun little ice breakers.”
开学时，组织新生去露营或登山是Jones学校的传统，称其为“class retreat”。“smores”是食物名称，但字典里查不到，还好Kat给出了解释。“craker”是那种无味的大薄饼，“smores”就是在两块这样的“cracker”中间夹上软糖和巧克力制成的（好吃，但催肥）。“class retreat”的主题当然不是吃了，而是“doing ice breaker”，就是通过各种活动，消除新生之间的陌生感，就象我们的军训，不过“class retreat”可没军训那么“残酷”

“The rest of us were up,sitting India Style or crushed in odd position against the tent.”
晚上，女生们在帐篷里闲聊，姿势各异，有的钻进睡袋里躺着；有的以“India Style”坐着，即是盘腿而坐；有的歪七倒八地靠在帐篷上。看情形白天已经熟悉地差不多了，大家都挺随便

“She kept to herself but listen attentively to other people.”
"She"指代Kiara，一个在不太熟的人面前显得文静的女生，在其他人讲话的时候，她“keep to herself”：not to mix with or talk to other people, 但她绝不是不屑与大家交流，因为她很专注地在倾听。象Karia这样有着外向与内向双重性格的女生，在陌生环境里，一般都选择听而不是说

“He was breadwinner of the family.”
“He”是指Kat的老爸，一个在硅谷工作的IT人，是Kat家的“breadwinner”，即是赚钱养家的人。Kat就读的Jones私立高中所收的学生大都家境优越，什么大使的女儿，*的女儿，竟然还有某个小国的公主，象Kat这样的中产阶层的子女在Jones似乎显得“落魄”

“Our conversation traveled from boys to ambitions and back to boys and ghost stories again .”
小女生凑在一起，话题总是离不开boys，ghosts，间或谈点自己的抱负，理想之类。“travel from...back to...”说明话题的随意性和相对集中性。呵呵，小女生的话题，无论中外，似乎都差不多

“I pitched in a hand.”
第二天一大早，当别的学生还在帐篷里呼呼大睡的时候，Kat就起床去帮生活老师准备早餐了。“pitch in a hand”就是打个帮手，帮忙的意思。Kat真不愧是继承了中国人特有的“深谋远虑”，她早起就是为了给老师一个好印象，因为她目标很明确：她要当freshman class president

"She was in my same advisory group and we had the same big sister."
“She”指Sunny，一个随父母到美国的中国女生，后来也成为Kat的好友。Kat以为自己起得很早了，没料到Sunny也起来在帮忙弄早餐了，哎，中国孩子就是懂事早。"big sister"是对新生进行一对一辅导的毕业班的老生，她们将帮助新生跟快地适应在Jones的新生活

"He was vertically challenged."
“He”指Mr Blaah,一个年轻但各子不高的老师。老美说话也挺委婉，不直接刺激人家矮，而说"vertically challenged",身高缺乏竞争力，实际就是说人家矮。“X challenged”是个固定搭配，即是指X方面比较弱。比如："physically challenged"（身体弱），“mathematically challenged”（数学差）等等

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李骏记忆超人-英语单词妙记手册A字头29篇chm格式文件：
http://molih.myetang.com/english/words.rar

　　
　　第一天：
A - 1: aback ~ ablution(23个)
Once upon a time， there was an abbess in a small abbey . She was very kind, but one day she was abetted by all abject abbot. He abducted her abed! After several months, her abdomen grew high, which abashed her very much and abased her to some degree. She abjured the abhorrent relationship. The abbot was taken aback and could not abide her abeyance . So she decided to abdicate . She gave a simple ablution and left the abbey with tears ablaze in her eyes. The pain in her heart abated . She abhorred her baby so much that she abandoned her in the abbey. That day when she left, she only brought with her a lovely abacus , which had the abbreviation of her name.

很久以前，一个小修道院里有一个女修道院院长。她人很好，但有一天她被一个卑鄙的男修道院院长教唆。他诱拐她上了床。几个月后，她的腹部鼓了起来，这使她非常羞愧，也在一定程度上使她降低了身份。她发誓断绝这种令人憎恶的关系。男修道院院长很吃惊并且不能忍受她的中止。于是她决定退位。她进行了一个简单的仪式，然后眼里含着闪耀的泪花离开了修道院。她心中的疼痛减少了。她憎恶她的婴儿，于是她将她遗弃在修道院。走的那天，她只带走了她心爱的算盘。算盘上有她名字的缩写。

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第二天：
A - 2: abnegate ~ absolve(25个)
An aboriginal called Jim was an abnormal man. His wife died from an abortion . His wife and he had lived abreast for 20 years. From then on, he became absolute and abrupt . He abominated the king and one day he a-bombed the king's abode . The A-bomb hurt nobody over and above the abraded king, causing the abscess . Jim absconded abroad, then was caught aboard a ship. The king was an above board man. Above all , he abnegated himself and found out the reason. Secondly, he absolved Jim's death. Thirdly, he organized a meeting and nobody dared to be absent-minded. In the meeting, he abolished or abrogated some laws. By the way, the author abridged the above-mentioned story.

一个叫吉姆的土著居民是个变态的人。他的妻子死于流产。他们并肩生活了20年。从那以后，他变得专制和粗鲁起来。吉姆憎恶国王并且有一天他用原子弹轰炸了国王的住所。除了擦伤了国王的皮肤造成脓肿之外，原子弹没有伤到什么人。吉姆潜逃到国外，后来在船上被抓获。国王是个光明正大的人。首先，他克制了自己弄清了原因。其次，他赦免了吉姆的死刑。第三，他组织了一次会议，没人敢心不在焉。会议中，他废止或废除了一些法律。顺便提一下，作者节略了上述的故事。

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1/200.
There are three kinds of goals: short-term,medium-range and long-term goals.
Short-range goals are those that usually deal with current activities,which we can apply on a daily basis.Such goals can be achieved in a week or less,or two weeks,or possible months.It should be remembered that just as a building is no stronger than its foundation ,out long-term goals cannot amount to very munch without the achievement of solid short-term goals.Upon completing our short-term goals,we should date the occasion and then add new short-term goals that will build on those that have been completed.
The intermediate goals bukld on the foundation of the short-range goals.They might deal with just one term of school or the entire school year,or they could even extend for several years.Any time you move a step at a time,you should never allow yourself to become discouraged or overwhelmed. As you complete each step,you will enforce the belief in your ability to grow adn succeed.And as your list of completion dates grow,your motivation and desire will increase.
Long-range goals may be related to our dreams of the future. They might cover five years or more. Life is not a static thing.We should never allow a long-term goal to limit us or our course of action.

1.Our long-term goals mean a lot__.
a.if we complete our short-range goals
b.if we cannot reach solid short-term goals
c.if we write down the dates
d.if we put forward some plans
2.New short-term goals are bulid upon__.
a.two years
b.long-term goals
c.current activities
d.the goals that have been completed
3.When we complete each step of our goals ,__.
a.we will win final success
b.we are overwhelmed
c.we should build up confidence of success
d.we should strong desire for setting new goals
4.Once our goals are drawn up,__.
a.we should stick to them until we complete them
b.we may change our goals as we have new ideas and opportunities
c.we had better wait for the exciting news of success
d.we have made great decision
5.It is implied but not stated in the passage that ___.
a.those who habe long-term goals will succeed
b.writing down the dates may discourage you
c.the goal is only a guide for us to reach our desination
d.every should have a goal

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1/200答案：adcbc

2/200

The economy of the United states after 1952 was the econnomy of a well-fed,almost fully employed people. Despit occasional alarms, the country escaped any postwar depression and lived in a state of boom. A n economic survey of the year 1955, a typical year of the 1950’s, may be typical as illustrating the rapid economic growth of the decade. The national output was value at 10 percent above that of 1954 (1955 output was estimated at 392 billion dollars). The production of manufacturers was about 40 percent more than it had averaged in the years immediately following World War 2. The country’s business spent about 30billion dollars for new factories and machinery. National income available for spending was almost a third greater than it had been it had been in 1950. Consumers spent about 256 billion dollars; that is about 700 million dollars a day ,or about twenty-five million dollars every hour , all round the clock. Sixty-five million people held jobs and only a little more than two million wanted jobs but could not find them . Only agriculture complained that it was not sharing in the room. To some observers this was an ominous echo of the mid-1920’s . As farmer’s shre of their products declined , marketing costs rose. But there were , among the observers of the national economy, a few who were not as confident as the majority . Those few seemed to fear that the boom could not last and would eventually lead to the oppsite-depression.

1. What is the best title of the passage?
a. The Agriculatural Trends of 1950’s
b. The Unemployment Rate of 1950’s
c. U.S. Economy in the 50’s
d. The Federal Budget of 1952

2. In Line 4 , the word “boom” could best be replaced by______.
a. nearby explosion
b. thunderous noise
c. general public support
d. rapid economic growth

3. It can be inferred the national from the passage that most people in the United States in 1955 viewed the national economy with an air of _________.
a. confidence
b. confusion
c. disappointment
d. suspicion

4. Which of the following were LEAST satisfied with the national economy in the 1950’s?
a. Economists
b. Frmaers
c. Politicians
d. Steelworkers

5. The passage states that incom available for spending in the U.S. was greater in 1955 than in 1950 . How much was it ?
a. 60％
b. 50％
c. 33％
d. 90％

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2/200答案：cdabc
3/200

Women are also underrepresented in the administration and this is because there are so few women full professors. In 1985,Regent Beryl Milburn produced a report blasting the University of Texas System adminitration for not encouraging women.The University was rated among the lowest for the system.In a 1987 update ,Milburn commended the progress that was made and called for even more improvement.
One of the positive results from her study was a System-wide program to inform women of available administrative jobs.
College of Communication Associate Dean Patrica Witherspoon,said it is important that woman be flexible when it comesto relocating if they want to rise in the ranks.
Although a woman may face a chilly climate on campus , many times in order for her to succeed , she must rise above the problems around her and concentrate on her work.
Until women make up a greater percentage of the senior positions in the University and all academia,inequities will exist.
"Women need to spend their energies and time doing scholarly activities that are important here at the University." Spirduso said. "If they do that will be successful in this system.If they spend their time in little groups mourning the sexual discrimination that they think exists here, they are wasting valuable study time."

1.According to Spirduso,women need to ____.
a.produce a report on sexual discrimination
b.call for further improvement in their working conditions
c.spend their energies and time fighting against sexual discrimination
d.spend more time and energy doing scholarly activities

2.From this passage ,we know that _____.
a.there are many women full professors in the University of Texas
b.women play an important part in adminitrating the University
c.the weather on the campus is chilly
d.women make up a small percentage of the senior positions in the University

3.Which of the following statements is true?
a.the number of women professors in the University in 1987 was greater than that of 1985
b.the number of women professors in the University in 1987 was smaller than that of 1985
c.the number of women professors was the same as that of 1985
d.more and more women professors thought that sexual discrimination did exit in the University

4.One of the positive results from Milburn's study was that _____.
a.women were told to con centrate on teir work
b.women were given information about available administrative jobs
c.women were encouraged to take on all the administrative jobs in the Unversity
d.women were encouraged to do more scholarly activities

5. The title for this passage should be _______.
a.The University of Texas
b.Milburn's Report
c.Women Professors
d.Sexual Discrimination in Academia

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3/200答案：ddabd

4/200

Today ,as in every other day of the year ,more than 3000 U.S. adlescents will smoke their first cigarette on their way to becoming regular smokers as adults. During their lifetime,it can be expected that of these 3000 about 23 will be murdered,30 will die in traffic accidents, and nearly 750 will be killed by a smoking-related disease. The number of deaths attributed to cigarette smoking outweithts all other factors, whether voluntary or involuntary, as a cause of death.
Since the late 1970s, when daily smoking among high school seniors reached 30 precent , smoking rates among youth have declined . While the decline is impressive ,several important issues must be raised.
First, in the past several years,smoking rates among youth have declined very little. Second,in the late 1970s ,smoking among male high school seniors exceeded that among female by nearly 10 percent . The statistic is reversing.Third ,several recent studies have indicate high school dropouts have excessively high smoking rates, as much as 75 percent .
Finally, thouth significant declines in adolescent smoking have occurred in the past decade,no definite reasons for the decline exist. Within this context,the Naional Cancer Instiute (NCI) began its current effort to determine the most effecive measures to reduce smoking levesl among youth.

1.According to the author, the deaths among youth are mainly caused by _____.
a.traffic accidents
b.smoking-related desease
c.murder
d.all of these

2.Every day there are over_____high school strdents who will become regular smoker.
a.75 b.23 c.30 d.3000

3.By "dropout" the author means______.
a.students who failed the examination
b.students who left school
c.students who lost their way
d.students who were driven out of school

4.The reason for declining adolescent smoking is that ________.
a.NCI has taken effective measures
b.smoking is prevented among high school seniors
c.there are many smokers who have died of cancer
d.none of these

5.What is implied but not stated by the author is that ________.
a.smoking rates among youth have declined very little
b.there are now more female than male smokers among high school seniors
c.high smoking rates are due to the incease in wealth
d.smoking at high school are from low socio-economic backgrounds

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4/200答案：bdbdb

5/200

The food we eat seems to have profound effects on our health.Although science has made enormous steps in making food more fit to eat ,it has, at the same time,made many foods unfit to eat. Some research has shown that perhaps eighty percent of all human illnesses are related to diet and forty percent of cancer is related to the diet as well,especially cancer of the colon. Different cultures are more likely to cause certain different illnesses because of the food that is characteristic in these cultures. That food is related to illness is nto a new discovery. In 1945, about 35 years ago, government researchers realized that nitrates, commonly used to preserve color in meats,and other food additivies,caused cancer. Yet, these carcinogenic additives remain in our food, and it becomes more difficult all the time to know which things on the packaging labels of processed food are helpful or harmful. The additives which we eat are not all so direct. Farmers often give penicillin to beef and living animals, and because of this ,penicillin has been found in the milk of treated cow. Sometimes similar drugs are given to animals not for medical purposes,but for financial reasons. The farmers are simply trying to fatten the animals in order to obtain a higher price on the market. Although the Food and Drug Administration(FDA) has tried repeatedly to control these procedures, the practices continue.

1.What is the best possible title of the passage?
a.Drug and Food
b.Cancer and Health
c.Food and Health
d.Health and Drug

2.Which of the following statements is NOT ture?
a.Drugs are always given to animals for medical reasons
b.Some of the additives in our food are added to the food itself and some are given to the living animals
c.Researchers have known about the potential dangers of food additives for over thirty-five years.
d.Food may cause forty percent of cancer in world.

3.How has science done something harmful to mankind?
a.Because of science , diseases caused by polluted food haven been virtually eliminated.
b.It has caused a lack of information concerning the value of food.
c.Because of the application of science,some potentially harmful substances have been added to food.
d.The scientists have preserved the color of meats,but not of vegetables.

4.What are nitrates used for?
a.They preserve flavor in packaged foods.
b.They preserve the color of meats.
c.They are the objects of research.
d.They cause the animals to become fatter.

5.The word 'carcinogenic' most nearly means '_____'.
a.trouble-making
b.color-retaining
c.money-making
d.cancer-causing

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As the pace of life continues to increase ,we are fast losing the art of relaxation. Once you are in the habit of rushing through lift,being on the go from morning till night, it is hard to slow down. But relaxation is essential for a healthy mind and body.
Stress is an natural part of everyday lift and there is no way to avoid it. In fact ,it is not the bad thing it is often supposed to be .A certain amount of stress is vital to provide motivation adn give purpose to life. It is only when the stress gets out of control that it can lead to poor performance and ill health.
The amount of stress a person can withstand depends very much on the individual. Some people are not afraid of stress,and such characters are obviously prime material for managerial responsibilities. Others lose heart at the first signs of unusual difficulties. When exposed to stress,in whatever form,we react both chemically and physically. In fact we make choice between "fight" or "flight" and in more primitive days the choice made the difference between life or death. The crises we meet today are unlikely to be so extreme,but however little the stress,it involves the same response. It is when such a reaction lasts long,through continued exposure to stress,that health becomes endangered.Such serious conditions as high blood pressure and heart disease have established links with stress.Since we cannot remove stress from our lives(it would be unwise to do so even if we could),we need to find ways to deal with it.

1.People are finding less and less time for relaxing themselves because_____.
a.they do not know how to enjoy themselves
b.they do not believe that relaxation is important for health
c.they are travelling fast all the time
d.they are becoming busier with their work

2.According to the writer ,the most important character for a good manager is his ________.
a.not fearing stress
b.knowing the art of relaxation
c.high sense of responsibility
d.having control over performance

3.Which of the follwing statements is ture?
a.We can find some ways to avoid stress
b.Stress is always harmful to people
c.It is easy to change the hagit of keeping oneself busy with work.
d.Different people can withstand different amounts of stress

4.In Paragraph 3, "such a reaction" refers back to_______.
a."making a choice between 'flight' or 'fight'"
b."reaction to stress both chemically and physically"
c."responding to crises quickly"
d."losing heart at the signs difficulties"

5.In the last sentence of the passage,"do so " refers to ______.
a."expose ourselves to stress"
b."find ways to deal with stress"
c."remove stress from our lives"
d."established links between diseases and stress"

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6/200答案：dadbc

In the 1960s, many young Americans were dissatisfied with American society. They wanted to end the Vietnam War and to make all of the people in the U.S. epual. Some of them decided to "drop out" of American society and form their own societies . They formed utopian communities , which they called "communes," where they could follow their philosophy of "do your own thing." A group of artists founded a commune in southern Colorado called "Drop City." Following the ideas of philosopher and architect Buckminster Fuller they built domeshaped houses from pieces of old cars. Other groups, such as author Ken Kesey's Merry Pranksters, the followers fo San Francisco poet Steve Gakin, and a group that called itself the Hog Farm, lived in old school huses and traveled around the United States. The Hog Farm become famous when they helped organize the Woodstock Rock Festival in 1969. Steve Gaskin's followers tried to settle down on a farm in Tennessee, but they had to leave when some members of the gruop were arrested for growing marijuana.
Not all communes believed in the philosophy of "do you own thing," however . Twin Oaks , a commune founded in Virgiania in the late 1960s, was based on the ideas of psychologist B.F.Skinner. The people who lived at Twin Oaks were carefully controlled by Skinner's "conditioning" techniques to do things that were good for the community. In 1972, Italian architect Paolo Soleri began to build Arcosanti, a utopian city Arizsona where 2500 people will live closely together in one large building called an "archology" Soleri believes that people must live closely together so that they will all become one.

1.Why did some young Americans decide to "drop out" of scoiety during the 1960s?
a.They were not satisfied with American society.
b.They wanted to grow marijuana.
c.They wanted to go to the Vietnam War.
d.They did not want all people to be equal.

2.Where did the members of the Hog Farm commune live?
a.In dome-shaped house
b.In old school huses
c.On a farm inTennessee
d.In an archology in Arizona

3.Who gave the people of Drop City the idea to bulid dome-shaped house?
a.Paolo Soleri
b.B.G.Skinner
c.Steve Gaskin
d.Buckminster Fuller

4.What was the Twin Oaks commune base on ?
a.The philosophy of "do your own thing"
b.Virginaia in the late 1960s
c.The ideas of psychologist
d.The belief that people must live closely togerher.

5.What is an "archology"?
a.A person who studies archaeology
b.A large building where people live closely together
c.A city in A rizona
d.A technique to contorl people

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6/200答案：abdcb

7/200
There are two factors which determine an individual's intelligence. The first is the sort of brain he is born with. Human brains differ considerably, some being more capable than others. But no matter how good a brain he has to begin with, an individual will have a low order of intelligence unless he has opportunities to learn. So the second factor is what happens to the individual—the sort of environment in which he is reared. If an individual is handicapped envionmentally ,it is likely that his brain will fail to develop and he will never attain the level of intelligence of which he is capable.
The importance of environment in determining an individual's intellingence can be demonstrated by the case history of the identical twins, Peter and Mark X. Being identical, the twins had identical brains at birth, and their growth processes were the same. When the twins were three months old , their parents died, and they were placed in separate foster homes. Peter was reated by parents of low intelligence in an isolatedcommunity with poor educational pooprtunities.Mark was reared inthe home of well-to-do parents who had been to college. He was read to as a child , sent to good schools, and given every opportunity to be stimulated intellectually.This enviromental difference continued until the twins were in their late teens, when they were giben tesets to measure their intelligence. Mark's I.Q. was 125, twenty-five points higher than the average and fully forty points higher than his identical brother. Given equal opportunities , the twins , having identical brains,would have tested at roughly the same level.

1.This selection can best be titled_________.
a.Measuring Your Intelligence
b.Intelligence and Environment
c.The Case of Peter and Mark
d.How the brain Influences Intelligence

2.The beststatement of the main idea of this passage is that _____.
a.human brains differ considerably
b.the brain a person is born with is improtant in determining his intelligence
c.environment is crucial in determining a person's intelligence
d. persons having identical brains will have roughly the same intelligence

3.According to the passage , the average I.Q.is _____.
a.85
b.100
c.110
d.125

4.The case history of the twins appears to support the conclusion that _______.
a.individual with identical brains seldom test at same level
b.an individual's intelligence is determined only by his enviroment
c.lack of opportunity blocks the growth of intelligence
d.changes of enviroment produce changes in the structure of the brain

5.This passage suggests that an individual 's I.Q.______.
a.can be predicted at birth
b.stays the same throuthout his life
c.can be increased by education
d.is determined by his childhood

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8/200答案：bcbcc

9/200
As she walked round the huge department store,Edith reflected how difficult it was to choose a suitable Christmas present for her father.She wish that he was as easy to please as her mother, who was always delighted with perfume

Besides,shoppong at this time of the year was a most disgreeable experience :people trod on your toes,poked you with their elbows and almost knocked you overin their haste to get to a bargain ahead of you.

Partly to have a rest, Edith paused in front of a counter where some attracive ties were on display. "They are real silk," the assistant assured her, trying to tempt her. "Worth double the price." But edit knew from past experience that her choice of ties hardly ever pleased her father.

She moved on reluctantly and then quite by chance, stopped where a small crowd of man had gathered round a counter. She found some good quality pipes on sale-----and the prices were very reasonable. Edith did not hesitate for long : although her father only smoked a pipe occasionally, she knew that this was a present which was bund to please him.

When she got home,with her small well-chosen present concealed in her handbag, her parents were already at the supper table. Her mother was in an especially cheerful mood, "Your father has at last to decided to stop smoking." She informed her daughter.

1.Edith's father _______.
a.did not like present
b.never got present
c.preferred ties
d.was difficult to choose a present for

2.The assistant spoke to Edith because she seemed_______.
a.attractive
b.interested in ties
c.tired
d.in need of comfort

3.Edith stopped at the next counter_________.
a.purosely
b.suddenly
c.unwillingly
d.accidentally

4.Edith's father smoked a pipe_______.
a.when he was obliged
b.on social occasions
c.from time to time
d.when he was delighted

5.Shopping was very disagreeable at that time of the year because_______.
a.coustomers trod on each other's toes
b.coustomers poked each other with their elbows
c.customers knocked each other
d.customers were doing their shopping in a great hurry

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9/200答案：dbdcd

10/200
If the population of the earth goes on increasing at its present rate, there will eventually not be enough resources left to sustain life on the planet.By the middle of the 21st century,if present trends continue, we will have used up all the oil that drives our cars,for example.Even if scientists develop new ways of feeding the human race,the crowded conditions on earth will make it necessary for lus to look for open space somewhere else. But none of the other planets in our solar system are capable of supporting life at present. One possible solution to the problem, however,has recently been suggested by American scientist, Professor Carl Sagan.

Sagan believes that before the earth's resources are compleetely exhausted it will be possible to change the atmophere of Venus and so create a new world almost as large as earth itself. The difficult is that Venus is much hotter than the earth and there is only a tiny amount of water there.

Sagan proposes that algae organisms that can live in extremely hot or cold atmospheres and at the same time produce oxygen,should be bred in condition similar to those on Venus.As soon as this has been done, the algae will be placed in small rockets. Spaceship will then fly to Venus and fire the rockets into the atmosphere .In a fairly short time, the alge will break down the carbon dioxide into oxygen and carbon.

When the algae have done theri work, the atmosphere will become cooler,but befor man can set foot on Venus it will be neccessary for the oxygen to produce rain. The surface of the planet will still be too hot for man to land on it but the rain will eventually fall and in a few years something like earth will be reproduced on Venus.

1.Inte long run, the most insoluble problem caused by population growth on earth will probably be the lack of ______.
a.food
b.oil
c.space
d.resources

2.Carl Sagan believes that Venus might be colonized from earth because _____
a.it might be possible to change its atmosphere
b.its atmosphere is the same as the earth's
c.there is a good supply of water on Venus
d.the days on Venus are long enough

3.On Venus there is a lot of ________.
a.water
b.carbon dioxide
c.carbon monoxide
d.oxygen

4.Algae are plants that can____.
a.live in very hot temperatures
b.live in very cold temperatures
c.manufacture oxygen
d.all of the above

5. Man can land on Venus only when_______.
a.the algae have done their work
b.the atmosphere becomes cooler
c.thereis oxygen
d.it rains there

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10/200答案：cabdd

11/200
What is your favourite colour? Do you like yellow , orange ,red? If you do ,you must be an optimist, a leader, an active person who enjoys life, people and excitement. Do you prefer greys and blues? Then you are probably quiet,shy, and you would rather follow than lead. You tend to be a pessimist. At least, this is what psychologists tell us, and they should know,because they have been seriously studying the meaning of colours preference, as well as the effect that colours have on human beings. They tells us, among other facts,that we do not choose our favourite clour as we grow up----we are born with our preference.If you happen to love brown, you did so, as soon as you opened your eyes, or at least as soon as you could see clearly.

Colours do influence our moods----there is no doubt about it .A yellow room makes most people feel more cheerful and more relaxed than a dark green one; and a red dress brings warmth and cheer to the saddest winter day. On the other hand ,black is depressing. A black bridge over the Thames River, near London, used to be the scene of more suicides than any other bridge in the area ----until it was repainter green.The number of suicide attempts immediately fell sharply ;perhaps it would have fallen even more if the bridge had been done in pink or baby blue.

Light and bright colours make people not only hppier but more active. It is an established fact that factory workers work better,harder ,and have fewer accidents when their machines are painted orange rather than black or grey.

1."You would rather follow than red" means_______.
a.you don't like to follow others
b.you would be a member rather than a leader
c.you would be afraid of following others
d.you would like to be a leader rather than a follower

2.If one enjoys life, one is sure to prefer________.
a.red to yellow
b.blue to orange
c.red to grey
d.blue to yellow

3."They tell us, among other facts,that we don't choose our favourite colours as we grow up." "Among other facts" means______.
a.besides other facts
b.in regard to other facts
c.not considering other facts
d.according to other facts

4.Which of the following is facts?
a.People's preference of one colour to another is instinct
b.People's preference of one colour to another is acquired as they grow up.
c.More people happen to love brown because they saw something brown when they were born
d.Colours have little influence on our moods

5.Those who committed suicide preferred the bridge over the Thames River near london to others because of _______.
a.its shape
b.its structure
c.its colour
d.its building materials

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11/200答案：bcaac

12/200
Social customs and ways of behaving change. Things which were considered impolite many years ago are now acceptable. Just a few years ago, it was considered impolite behaviour for a man to smoke on street. No man who thought of himself by smoking when a lady was in a room.

Customs also differ from country to country. Does a man walk on the left or the right of a woman in your country? Or doesn't it matter? Should you use both hands when you are eating? Should leave one in your lap,or on the table?

The Americans and the British not only speak the same language but also share a large number of social customs. For example, in both America and England people shake hands when they meet each other for the first time. Also, most Englishmen will open a door for a wonman or offer their seat to a woman , and so will most Americans. Promptness is important both in England and in America. That is , if a dinner invitation is for 7 o'clock , the dinner guest either arrives close to that time or calls up to explain his delay.

The important thing to remember about social customs is not to do anything that might make other people feel uncomfortable-----especially if they are your guests. When the food was served , one of the guests strated to eat his peas with a knife . The other guests were amused or shocked , but the host calmly picked up his knife and began eating in the same way. It would have been bad manners to make his guest feel foolish or uncomfortable.

1.If one has accepted a dinner invitation ,what should he do if he is tobe late for the dinner?
a.He should find an excuse
b.He should adk for excuse.
c.He should say sorry
d.He should telephone to explain his being late.

2."It would have been bad manners to make his guests feel foolish or uncomfortable." "Bad manners " means ________.
a.ugly
b.dishonest
c.impolite
d.shameful

3.which of the following do you think is the best tiltle for this passage?
a.Social Customs and Customs
b.Social Life
c.American and British Customs
d.Promptness Is Important

4.According to the text, the best host_______.
a.tries his best to make his guests feel comfortable
b.makes his guests feel excited
c.tries to avoid being naughty to his guests
d.tries to avoid being foolish

5.The author of this article may agree with which of the following?
a.The guest who ate his peas with a knife
b.The other guests who were amused or shocked
c.The host who picked up his knife and began eating in the same way
d.None of the above

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graphite 石墨
grasshopper 蚱蜢, 蝗虫, 小型侦察机
gravel  砂砾, 砂砾层
grease  油脂, 贿赂
grumble  抱怨地表示, 嘟囔地说
growl  咆哮声, 怨言
grunt  呼噜声, 咕哝
gutter  水槽, 檐槽, 排水沟, 槽, 贫民区
hail  向...欢呼, 致敬, 招呼, 使象下雹样落下, 猛发
halve  二等分, 平分, 分享, 减半
harbour  (=harbor) 海港
harp  弹奏竖琴, 不停地说, 喋喋不休
haughty
haul
haunt
herald
herb
herd
hike
hinge
hitherto
hydraulic
hypothesis
inaugurate
inorganic
installment
insulate
jupiter
kidnap
kinetic
late
lattice
leaflet
leopard
lily
linling
lipstick
locust
lubricate
luminous
lunar
luncheon
majesty
malice
mammal
mansion
maple
marsh
marshal
martyr
masculine
meditate
melancholy
melody
menace
mesh
metallic
metallurgy
metropolitan
migrate
millionaire
mingle
miniature
mob
mobilize
mock
maonarch
monk
monopoly
monstrous
moor
mortgage
moss
muse
mustard
mute
napkin
narration
nominate
pamphlet
pant
pantry
parachute
parade
paralyse
pasture
patent
pathetic
patriot
patron
pedal
pedestrian
pedlar
pendulum
perch
peril
perimeter
perish
peripheral
perpendicular
perplex
persecute
pertinent
petition
photoelectric
pickle
pier
pilgrim
pineapple
pious
pirate
plague
plateau
pluck
plump
plunder
pneumatic
polar
ponder
porcelain
postulate
poultry
pilgrim
pineapple
pious
pirate
pitch
plague
plateau
plead
pluck
plump
pneumatic
poke
polar
ponder
porcelain
postal
postulate
poulty

bargain-basement
adj.
质量不佳的; 便宜的
bargainee
[bB:^i5ni:]
n.
买主
A bargain is a bargain.
[谚]买卖一言为定; 达成的协议不可撕毁。
drive a hard bargain
(在某事上)极力讨价还价; 坚持苛刻的条件
drive a hard bargain over sth.
(在某事上)极力讨价还价; 坚持苛刻的条件
into the bargain
外加; 另外; 而且(在议定的条件外再加上)
make the best of a bad bargain
对于恶运或逆境泰然处之; 善处逆境, 随遇而安
more than one bargained for
[口]出乎某人意料之外(包括好的方面和坏的方面)
sell sb. a bargain
[废]愚弄某人
bargain away
廉价出售;牺牲; 贱卖; 抛售
bargain on
期望; 信赖

forward bargain
期货交易
price bargain
讨价还价
a bad break
失言
丢人
倒霉, 不幸
break one's promise
食言
break the tie
打破不分胜负的局面

break the news to sb.
向某人泄露消息
Trees break the force of the wind.
树使风力减弱。
The prism broke the light into all the colors of the rainbow.
棱镜把光分解成虹的各种色彩。
The story broke in a morning paper.
消息在一家晨报上透露出来了。
Things are breaking right for us.
情况正朝着有利于我们的方向发展。
Give him a break.
给他一个改过的机会吧!
breakaway
n.
脱离
(牛、羊等)狂奔
离群之兽
起跑
break-promise
n.
不守信用的人; 失信者
a good break
好机会; 好运气
make a break for it
[口](趁人不注意时)偷跑, 逃跑

make a (clean) break with
与...绝交
break from
挣脱; 突然离去
break in
训练; 驯养
闯入; 破门而入
打断; 插嘴
开始使用
break short off
突然中止
break through
突破
从后面出现
(在科学研究上)有重大发现
克服; 打破
break up into
分解成; 分割成
break with
与...绝交
打破
automatic break
自动断开
back break
(爆破孔的)背面裂断
baseline break
基线中断
isolocus break
等位断裂
light break
光间歇
staggered breaks
交叉切断
station break
电台间歇
stem break
【植】茎变色, 变褐

go burst
[口]破产, 失败
running for 竞选

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array装扮
baffle使挫折
bazaar集市，廉价商店
bestow把×××增与
bishop主教
bleach漂白，变白
blaze燃烧
blind窗帘
blouse女衬衫
blunder犯大错
blue伤心的，上流的
boiler锅炉
bourgeois资产阶级
boycott联合抵制
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to cut a deal就是在做生意方面，或者是在司法方面和对方达成一个协议。我们先来给大家举个例子。这是一个丈夫在告诉他的朋友有关他和他太太离婚的事。

例句-1:The two of us argued a year - who got the house, the furniture, the car? But our lawyers finally cut a deal which we both thought was fair. So at last everything is settled.

例句2: My dad has not been happy with my grades at school. But yesterday I promised him to work harder. Finally, we cut a deal. He said if I got all A's this semester, he'll let me go to the summer camp, or buy me a new car.

例句3：I tried to cut corners by fixing my car myself instead of taking it back to the dealer. But it cost me money in the long run. The whole transmission dropped out when I was driving on the beltway.

这个人说：我是想自己来修车，不要把车送到卖车的公司里去修。这样好便宜一点。可是，从长远来看，这样花我更多的钱。当我在环行公路上开车的时候，整个变速箱掉了下来。

例句4：Since the company laid off more than one hundred employees, I was given the responsibility not only for production and marketing, but also for personnel as well. No matter how hard I tried to cut corners, there's still not enough time for me to finish my work.
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A "guilt trip" means guilty feelings one has about doing something wrong. To "give someone a guilt trip" means to try and make him feel guilty.

I said "let's stick around." That means to stay or remain in a place.
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It's His Fault

Billy and Bobby were small boys．They were brothers，and they often had fights with each other．

Last Saturday their mother said to them，“I'm going to cook our lunch now．Go out and play in the garden—and be good．”

“Yes，Mummy，” the two boys answered，and they went out．

They played in the garden for half an hour，and then Billy ran into the kitchen．“Mummy，” he said，“Bobby's broken a window in Mrs．Allen's house．” Mrs．Allen was one of their neighbors．

“He's a bad boy，”his mother said．“How did he break it？”

“I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down．”

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Alexander the Great

Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at the recitation，and the doctor，somewhat nettled，said：“Landon，you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject．You seem to lack ambition．Why，at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world．”

“Yes，” said Landon，“he couldn't help it，for you will recall the fact，doctor，that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher．”

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Not Here

　　Kathy and Polly were friends but they liked playing tricks on each other

　　One day Kathy met Polly in the street. She said, "Hi, Polly. It's good to see you."

　　"How can you see me when I'm not here?" Polly asked.

　　"What do you mean, you' re not here?" Kathy asked. "Of course you 're here."

　　"No, I'm not." Polly said. "and I'll bet you ten dollars that I can prove I'm not here."

　　"Alright," said Kathy. "Ten dollars. Now prove you' re not here ."

　　"Easy," Polly said, "Am I in *?"

　　"No," said Kathy.

　　"Am I in Paris?"

　　"No," said Kathy.

　　"If I'm not in * and I'm not in Paris," Polly said, " then I must be somewhere else. Right?"

　　"Right," said Kathy. "You must be somewhere else."

　　"Exactly." said Polly. "And if I'm somewhere else I can't be here, can I? Ten dollars, please. "

　　"That's very clever, Polly," Kathy said, "but I can't give you ten dollars."

　　"Why not?" asked Polly. "We had a bet.

　　"Certainly we had a bet," Kathy said, "but how can I give you ten dollars if you're not here?"

　　And with a laugh she walked away.

Notes:

　　(1) trick n.恶作剧

　　(2) play a trick on sb.开玩笑；戏谑某人

　　(3) prove v.证明

　　(4) *香港

　　(5) Paris巴黎（法国首都）

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秒客网

english joke,and some notes for english study

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